When my mother-in-law has her intermittent emotional upheavals, or my children insist on fighting with each other it’s very tempting for me to punish them or dismiss them for their bad behaviour and walk away. But does this really help me or them? I could talk to them sensibly about their needs and mine and try to figure out how we can both get them met. I could offer them advice or help or even bribes. I could calmly reason with them until the cows come home. But the probability of these manoeuvres working and me getting the peace I yearn for is always hard to determine.
A while ago I received an email which changed the way I think about my reality altogether. The email was an excerpt from a book written by Joe Vitali (you can see him in The Secret) about a Hawaiian shamanic practice called Ho’oponopono. This practise, we can all do. Here’s what Joe says about this amazing practice:
“Two years ago, I heard about a therapist in Hawaii who catalysed healing in a ward of criminally insane patients without ever seeing any of them. The psychologist would study an inmate’s chart and then look within himself to see how he created that person’s illness. As he improved himself, the patient improved. When I first heard this story, I thought it was an urban legend. How could anyone heal anyone else by healing himself? How could even the best self-improvement master cure the criminally insane? It didn’t make any sense. It wasn’t logical, so I dismissed the story.
However, I heard it again a year later. I heard that the therapist had used a Hawaiian healing process called Ho’oponopono. I had never heard of it, yet I couldn’t let it leave my mind. If the story was at all true, I had to know more.
I had always understood “total responsibility” to mean that I am responsible for what I think and do. Beyond that, it’s out of my hands. I think that most people think of it that way. We’re responsible for what we do, not what anyone else does, but according to Kahuna philosophy, that is just the beginning.
The therapist who helped those mentally ill people taught me an advanced new perspective about total responsibility. His name is Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len.
We probably spent an hour talking on our first phone call. I asked him to tell me the complete story of his work as a therapist. He explained that he worked at Hawaii State Hospital for four years. The ward where they kept the criminally insane was dangerous. Psychologists quit on a monthly basis. The staff called in sick a lot or simply quit. People would walk through that ward with their backs against the wall, afraid of being attacked by patients. It was not a pleasant place to live, work, or visit.
Dr. Len told me that he never saw these patients. He agreed to have an office and to review their files. While he looked at those files, he would work on himself. As he worked on himself, patients began to heal. After a few months, patients that had to be shackled were being allowed to walk freely. Others who had to be heavily medicated were coming off their medicines. And those who had no chance of ever being released were being freed. I was in awe. Not only that, but the staff began to enjoy coming to work. Absenteeism and turnover disappeared. “We ended up with more staff than we needed because patients were being released, and all the staff were showing up to work.” Today, that ward is closed.
This is where I had to ask the million-dollar question: “What was Dr Len doing within himself that catalysed such deep healing?” He said he was simply healing the part of himself that created them. I didn’t understand. Dr. Len explained that total responsibility for your life means that everything in your life, simply because it is in your life, is your responsibility. In a literal sense the entire world is your creation.
Ho’oponopono: Lessons from Hawaiian Shamanism
By Joanne Hay
They don’t exist, in a manner of speaking, except as projections from inside you. The problem isn’t with them, it’s with you, and to change them, you have to change yourself. This is a challenge to grasp, let alone accept or actually live.
Blame is far easier than responsibility, but as I reflected on what Dr. Len was teaching, I began to realise that healing for him means discovering love as yourself. If you want to improve your life, you have to heal your life. If you want to help someone heal, even a mentally ill criminal, you can do it by healing yourself.
I asked Dr. Len how he went about healing himself. What was he doing when he looked at those patients files? He replied: “I just kept saying, “I’m sorry” and “I love you”, over and over again”. That is all he did! Experiencing love within yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, you improve the world.
Within an hour I got an email from the same person. He apologised for his previous message. Keep in mind that I didn’t take any outward action to get that apology. I didn’t even email him back. Yet, by saying these two simple phrases I somehow healed within me what was creating the separation within him.
I later attended a seminar run by Dr. Len. He’s now 70 years old, considered a grandfatherly shaman, and is somewhat reclusive. He praised my book, “The Attractor Factor”. He said that as I improve myself, my book’s vibration will raise, and everyone will feel it when they read it. In short, as I improve, my readers will improve. I asked about the books that have already been sold and in circulation. His reply blew my mind with its simple yet profound, mystic wisdom: “They aren’t out there, they are still within you”.
In short, there is no “out there”.
It would take a whole book to explain this advanced technique with the depth it deserves. Suffice It to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your life, there’s only one place to look: inside yourself. When you look, do it with love.”
No longer is my success linked to the actions or beliefs of others. No more do I need to reason, manipulate, beg or bribe. I just forgive. Now when my mother-in-law is having an outburst I say to myself, “I love you, I’m sorry” and I really mean it. This is not always easy but if I just keep in my mind I’m responsible for everything in my reality, I feel so much more free.
Further note to the above: What works ultimately, is when I realize that the world is within me, and that to change the world, I have to change it within myself.
I have to change whatever is going on in me (my memories), which requires taking 100% responsibility.
The original Ho’oponopono process is: “I Love You; I am sorry; Please forgive me for whatever is going on in me that I perceive this in a certain way; Thank You.”, and allow The Divinity to do whatever, with NO expectations.
I have come to the realization that the world is what is going on in me. When a “problem” comes up in my life, I say: “I Love You; I am sorry; Please forgive me for whatever is going on in me that is causing me to feel this pain; Thank You.”
Built into the “I Love You” is the process of repentance and forgiveness, and that is my responsibility.
Divinity’s responsibility is to say: “I have heard you”, and then: “I am going to take care of that for you, and I am going to erase it when I feel it is right and perfect to ME to do so”.
My job is very simple: - I take 100% responsibility for whatever is going on in me, and Divinity will do whatever needs to be done.
If I knock, the door will open. If I ask, I will receive.
